It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
