sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
