The best revenge is premature balding
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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