The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
