Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
