I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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