Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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