You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
