I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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