I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
