Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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