Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
