My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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