my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize