Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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