i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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