Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
