not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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