ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no, he came in my armpit
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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