would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
