What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
sex in a hospital.. check
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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