Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
