I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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