im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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