Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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