no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is Oprah even human
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
