but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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