sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
