Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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