Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it glows. i had to have it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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