you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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