And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
