i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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