Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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