No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
