chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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