I hate all girls vehemently.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
