So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
