And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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