she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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