My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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