Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
