you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize