high people should be assigned attendants
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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