Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
