I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this just has baby written all over it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
