Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
