wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
