Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
