okay pat passed out under dana's car
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
