is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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