All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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