I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
