I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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