Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
