normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
