This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
