Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
