my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
