I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
