I wish I could punch you in the face.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
