I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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