she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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