In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
