so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
