i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
