Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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