Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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