Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
